I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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