he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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