my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
