I'm sorry my penis didn't work
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
