Barsexuality is the new black.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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