Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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