there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
