i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize