i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
