You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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