U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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