I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
