using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
