So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
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smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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