His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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