Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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