I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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