Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
