An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
