i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
