Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
