you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
