Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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