How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
