Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
