Princesses don't give blow jobs
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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