I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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