Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
