What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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