so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
