All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
