Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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