3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
