If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
