I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
