The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
