Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
