no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
this is an emotional support booty call
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
