so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Buhtt sex?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
