So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize