Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
