I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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