My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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