Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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