I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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