if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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