Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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