im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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