My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
