i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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