Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
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Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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