Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When did angry sex become our thing?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
