oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
