I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
