Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
