I looked at my own cervix.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
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There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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