sarcasm needs its own font
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
