Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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