Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
