I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
