woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
