I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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