she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
