the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
