I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
