i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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