the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
