Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
