I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
