and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
