Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
